New Year, New Friend

On this week’s episode, Ashley Peebles shares her tips how to start off the new year cultivating new friendships and fostering existing ones.

As we come out of the COVID restrictions and as we are moving to new bases and new homes, we are always looking to create communities and connections because that’s what makes life so joyous. In our military journey, we often have to say see you later to so many people that we care about. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”. On this military journey, if we are intentional, and if we do it right, we can have at least one of those true friendships at every one of the duty stations. 

TOP 10 TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE ONE REAL FRIEND/CONNECTION:

1. Get out of the house and make an effort. Pick up one new activity into your life that won’t overwhelm you. Check your local events on Facebook. Check your base advertiser. Just say a yes to an invite. Sometimes we may not feel like going somewhere but end up having a good time once we are there. 

2. Be a good listener. “Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you and listen in such a way that others love to speak to you.” If we can embody that quote, we’re going to make a lot of good friends and deep connections. Often, people are listening but while they are listening, they are already thinking about the next thing they are going to say. Be intentional about staying connected to the words that they are saying. Keep they eye contact and really listen to what they say. 

3. Be helpful, be grateful, and be kind. If you go to an event, help clean up at the end. Don’t be the person that leaves as soon as it is over. If someone gives you a gift, being grateful is like giving a gift back to them. Always appreciate what others do for you, even the smallest things. Too often, we are so busy and so caught up in our own lives that we forget to be kind. And when you run across a truly kind person, that’s the exception these days. So, let’s be the exception. Let’s be the kindness in the world.

4. Don’t overlook your current friends. When we move, it feels like we don’t have any friends around us. But we do, we are just separated by distance. Make a list of the people that you truly care about, and you want them to know. If you are busy, reach out to one person a day or one person a week. Just check on them. 

5. We all have friends of convenience which means you didn’t seek each other out. Maybe your kids are playing soccer together or maybe it’s someone that lives next door. It’s convenient and you are going to be friends while you live in the same place. Not everyone is going to be your best friend, but you can just try to make a good friend. Having a good friend can make or break base life.

6. Do something that boosts your own self-confidence. You naturally attract who you are and what you are. If you are feeling down, you will attract that. If you are feeling good, you will attract that. Your intent is like body odor, everybody can smell it. 

7. You are not going to connect with everyone, but you will connect with someone. Don’t give up on making friends if you don’t meet the right ones right away. Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea. 

8. Your body language matters. Don’t cross your arms. Don’t turn your body away from people. Don’t be on your phone. Make sure you look approachable. Smile. 

9. It doesn’t take money to make a friend or to make someone feel good. It just takes intentional time and thought, and about 30 seconds of courage. Compliment someone. You will strike up a conversation. Don’t only look for friends that are similar to you or exactly like you. There is no telling the powerful things that can come if you just open up your mind.  

10. Be yourself. We have the blessing to reinvent ourselves at every duty station. If you used to be a homebody at your last base, be more outgoing at your next base. You can become a better version of yourself with a clean slate at the new base. Find the best version of yourself that makes you happy and makes everyone around you better. 

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