New Resolutions: Making Friends

New Year’s Resolutions should be attainable goals you set for yourself each year that will progressively help you become a better person.  It’s essential to surround yourself with good people and have a solid social circle of positive friends who encourage you to become that best version of yourself.  Research shows that friends are actually even more critical to our psychological welfare than domestic partnerships. Friends bring more happiness into our lives than virtually anything else. If you don’t have that quality support system in your life, then it’s time to reevaluate, reset, and resolve to make at least one new quality friend in 2022.

Making new friends as an adult can be difficult.  Why is it that?  Well, other than the fact that it’s terrifying, here are the top 3 reasons adults have a more challenging time making new friends:

1. We meet fewer new people. While this is true for most adults, it’s not necessarily the case for military families.  Moving is a familiar experience for military families, which does yield to meeting more people, but it may feel as though there’s no time to find ‘your’ people and make quality friendships before it’s time to move again. 

2. Priorities have changed. As life goes – things change, your ideas of ‘fun’ change, your energy levels change, family responsibilities change, life just continues, and before long, the thought of meeting new people is just exhausting!

3. Afraid of rejection.  It’s not easy for an adult to just go up and start talking to someone for no reason (especially over these past couple of years).  The fear of rejection is real, for some folks it’s REALLY real, if you’re introverted or shy, it can feel painfully uncomfortable to put yourself out there, and the thought alone can cause social anxiety.   

Friendships have a huge impact on your mental health and happiness. One study found that, along with physical activity, maintaining a rich network of friends can add significant years to your life. But close friendships don’t just happen, and many of us struggle to meet people and develop quality connections. 

How Do You Make New Friends?  Where Do You Start?

• Enjoy the world around you. Make it a point to find a neighborhood park, engage more with neighbors, introduce yourself to other mothers at school activities. Become more familiar with your community.

• Get Involved. The first step to making friends is meeting people, so get out there and get involved. Sign up to volunteer. Take a class. These activities will put you in touch with people who have similar interests, and weekly meetings will give you plenty of opportunities to discover more common ground.

• Just Say Something. The funny thing about friendships is that they can form in places you don’t expect. Maybe the exchange will be just the run-of-the-mill small-talk, or maybe there will be an immediate connection that could lead to a long-term friendship. People can surprise you, but first, you need to talk to them.

• Commit to Being Yourself. It can be tempting to just blend with the people around you but pretending to share a group’s interests, hobbies, and senses of humor will eventually begin to feel like an exhausting chore. It’s impossible to form real friendships if you’re not yourself and not letting anyone get to know the real you.

• Tune In. The key to connecting to other people is showing interest in them.  Switch off your phone, avoid distractions and make an effort to truly listen to the other person. 

• Be the friend that you would like to have. Treat your friend just as you want them to treat you. Be reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy, and willing to share yourself and your time.

• Give it time. You can have friendly experiences throughout your day without pressuring yourself to meet your ride-or-die BFF immediately, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Start small. Over time, as you share experiences with someone new, a bond will form and if it doesn’t, that’s ok too, just move on. Keep reminding yourself that there isn’t a rush or goal-line to friendship; true companionship will just naturally grow if you put in the effort.

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It’s hard to put yourself out there and build new friendships when you know that you’re going to move again in 2-3 years, but you’ve got to do it for your sanity.  Friends matter!  Building and maintaining fulfilling friendships is one of the most important things we do in our lifetime.  We are social beings, and everyone needs at least one good friend who offers moral support, a few laughs, and nonjudgmental acceptance; and moving away doesn’t mean the friendship has to end.  Maintaining a long-distance friendship is easier today than it’s ever been before thanks to social media and technology.  

Keeping Long-Distance Relationships

Maintaining a long-distance friendship can be tricky because it’s all too easy to get distracted by everything going on in real life, but if a quick phone call or text makes you smile, then it needs to be a priority!  While long-distance friendships might take a little extra effort to keep up, knowing that you always have each other when you need a laugh, or to vent, will be worth that extra effort, and the miles (or ocean) that separate you won’t even matter.

Make Phone Dates. Pick a few days a month and plan a time that will allow you to catch up with privacy and personal space. Having a set date is better than feeling guilty that you can’t talk because you’re in the middle of running errands, or working, or everything else. If you’re thoughtful about scheduling this time, it will be something fun to look forward to each month.

Plan Your Next Meet-Up.  Plan a weekend getaway at a Bed & Breakfast or in a new city between your location and theirs.  Accomplishing a goal with a friend will make the moment you finally see each other so much more fun, and it’s something you’ll be able to look back on and cherish for many years to come.

Take A Vacation Together.  Plan a vacation, even if it’s a couple of years in advance, it’ll still be fun to plan, and you know you need one! The memories you’ll have will be worth it, and the happiness you’ll feel in your soul will be priceless! Vacations can be expensive, and it can be hard to get away for an extended time, but that’s why you start planning well in advance.

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It might be hard to think about venturing out of your comfort zone, joining a new club, or opening up about your passions and interests. But these are all essential keys to building friendships that last.  By deciding to make these resolutions – and sticking to them, you’re already a little closer to saying, “I Think This Is The Beginning Of A Beautiful Friendship.”

Whatever your age or circumstances, it’s never too late to make new friends, reconnect with old ones to significantly improve your social life, emotional health, and overall well-being.

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